Currently Listening 8 Mile By Eminem, Various Artists Lose Yourself see related

I don't know which is worse; to have a job that you thoroughly despise...

...or being good at a job that you thoroughly despise.

This afternoon, as the briefing room emptied and we were getting ready to pack it up and call it another day, Chuck, Bryan, and I were approached by a crusty old senior warrant officer who had just completed his five day in-processing cycle with us.  Usually we have the soldiers that are headed out to their permanent assignments fill out a critique sheet to help us identify what we can change or what areas we need to take a look at.  Most of the time we get complaints that we have nothing to do with (i.e. the in-processing process should be cut down to three days, soldiers should be able to drink or go off post while in-processing, etc.).  This old warrant, however, not only put together a very well thought out critique sheet, he took the time to shake each one of our hands and thank us, giving each one of us words of wisdom and encouragement.  Chuck was identified as having a solid hold on the smooth operation of all the aspects of the in-processing cycle, but was cautioned not to get too heavy handed with forgetful soldiers.  Bryan was commended on his ability to make anything happen with nothing, and make the transistion process not only smooth, but fun.  However, he was also informed that while briefing, his comfort word was "alright", and that during a twenty minute briefing, Bryan used the word exactly 127 times.

As he shook my hand he said, "The crowd loves you; you make them laugh while getting your point across.  You are a natural briefer!"

I felt like laughing.  If he only knew that I'm terrified of public speaking.

It's true.  There is something about getting up in front of a group of people that really scares me.  I brief the same things every day, week in and week out, and it has never gotten easier.  I'm always a nervous wreck right before "showtime", and when it's over I always breathe a sigh of relief and thank goodness nobody had any questions on the material that I had just briefed. 

Sure, I took a class on public speaking in high-school, and once briefed a construction proposal to the Hayfield Ladies Club as part of my Eagle Scout project.  A few weeks ago I briefed a program I knew nothing about using just the powerpoint slides as a reference when the briefer didn't show.  It wasn't that I wanted to, it was because I felt that there was valuable information that needed to be put out there for the soldiers and their families to use.   People that do this for a living have told me that it gets easier over time, and soon I'll be anxious to jump in front of a crowd and brief just about anything.

It's been four months.

I'm scheduled to brief Noncombatant Evacuation Operations first thing tomorrow morning...

...and my hands are already starting to shake.